Stumble.

Come and stumble with me;
Maybe we can catch each other.
But then again,
I wouldn't mind falling for you.

- Marilyn - Bullet.

"Come on, Karen!" I called into the wind.
    A breathless voice behind me said, "I'm coming!"
    I tore down the pavement on my bike, drinking in the summer air.  Karen trailed along after me.  The day was bright and bursting with ambition.  Weaving my tires across the asphalt, I grinned.  Adrenaline pulsed in my veins.  Soon I'd reached the spot, and I waited for my friend to catch up.  She was pumping her skinny legs, barely dragging her bicycle along.
    "Give me a second," she said.
    I swung myself off the seat and leaned against a tree.  Before us lay a gaping concrete crater.  This was the levee, the dry pit behind the town's water supply.
    "Ain't it beautiful?"  I watched Karen's expression as she approached me.
    She got one look at the dam, and the color vanished from her face.
    "Marilyn, you can't be serious."  Her voice quivered.  "My mother will kill me.  Actually kill me."
    "Sheesh, Karen, don't be chicken.  Jerry and the boys all did it!"  I pulled my wheels to the edge.
    "Well, Jerry's arm is currently in a sling. . . ."  Karen sighed.  "Don't you think it's a little bit dangerous?"
    I climbed onto the bike.  "'Course it is," I told her.  "What fun would it be otherwise?  Come on."  I slid my wrist beside hers, pressing our matching love bead bracelets together.  "Best friends forever."
    Karen swallowed, but I didn't wait for her answer.  There was only one way to get her to follow me.  I turned away to face the chasm and, closing my eyes, let my front wheel tip down.
    Feet on the pedals.  I began to fly.
    My eyes shot open, and I felt a smile exploding on my face.  My heart was about to pump itself inside out.  Earth and sky streamed past me in a whirl of color, and I realized that I wasn't breathing.  The wind was breathing for me, blasting through my skin and hair.  I screamed, partly out of pure terror, but mostly out of exhilaration.  For I had become a bullet.
    Behind me, Karen's bike was rattling down the slope.  She echoed my scream, and we raised our voices together, shouting into the clouds.
    We were victims of the blind boldness of youth.

Omnipresent.

How?

Worn.

Arrows choke my mind
Sometimes poison is sweet
So teach me to slow dance
In the middle of the street.

Explorers.

I see now why you called

To open up our eyes

At the sound of your voice

I felt you exploring mine

Could've guessed I'd be here

At this end-of-year crisis

Well, this one goes straight out to you

Because it feels like a day

Sun rises, sun sets

Behind the same shivering clouds

Last real one

Then we're off on our own

We've always been explorers.

And you've shown me such grand skies

This world doesn't scare me.

Thanks for the fairytale.

Tracks.

Until the clocks break,

They tick down to the day

When you'll erase these tracks from my face

And we'll find our escape

Stay.

"It's not a ghost; it's gravity."

Kaleidoscope.

When I'm alone
Is when you seep in most deeply
And every song
Slows and sways
To a two-step rhythm
Once again
We find ourselves waiting
Most anxiously,
Smiles in our hearts
And one day
When it's all passed by
We'll take the train to St. Paul
And walk through an atmosphere
Shaking winter off its shoulders
Smiles on our faces

Eight.

That clock was stuck at eight
Eight in the morning; a day ahead
Eight in the evening; a night begins
It's still stuck in my head
Those hands never move
And I'm frozen there
Whispering to you

Young.

Come on then, let's shout it -

All you cracking hearts scream:

In our dreams we are forever

And you can't take our dreams away!

Slight.

You've stolen my heart, you know

And it shimmers deep within your eyes

You've seen my soul, you know

And you're the only one who doesn't step back from the fire

Carpe.

I see now.

I see now.

And yes, I will seize this life in its full beauty -

Holding fast with the grip of death -

Knowing that you created roses with thorns for a reason.

- Aecercylle - Portrait of a Villain.

"Why didn't you just leave?"
  Her question hangs in the air, and she can see the images flashing behind his eyes.  A world of peace birthed from conformity.  A people clothed in pure, blinding white.  A secluded island floating on the horizon.  It used to be their home: this city built on ruins, this place where war trapped all the people inside one mind.  The bloodshed brought them to believe that the only way to harmony was the destruction of individuality.
  Shards of her own memories begin to seep in.  She sees a pristine shore where the tide never varied.  The water always stretched onto the sand and retreated in the same pattern; there was no high tide, only the clockwork of waves.
  It would seem peaceful to the stranger.  To her, it was a prison.
  "Leaving wasn't enough," says Daasen.  "You know what they do to the ones who are different.  You of all people.  If I'd left, they would have just forgotten me and continued about their madness.  I had to be stronger.  I had to make them remember me."
  I guess that's always been the difference between you and me, she muses.  You, the strategist, and me, wild as the wind.
  "Well, you've got what you want," says Aecercylle through gritted teeth.  "No one can possibly forget you now."
  There's no mistaking the condescension dripping from her words.  Daasen hears it and jerks on the thick net around her abdomen.  Aecercylle's vision darkens for a moment as her breath is sucked away.  She chokes and struggles for air, pressing against the ropes.  Above her, Daasen is smiling.  It's a smile that shows more in his eyes than his lips, and it makes Aecercylle shiver, as though ice has been planted in her heart.  But she locks eyes with him, never backing down for a moment.
  "You never wanted to be the special one.  You wanted to be the only one."
  Daasen halts, his smile falling.  He stands there and pierces her with his stare.  After a long moment, he unfolds his hands from behind his back and steps towards her.  Aecercylle steels herself for the wrath that she knows is coming.
  Bring your worst, she thinks.  Just get it over with and kill me.  Maybe then you'll realize what monster you've become.
  But her tormentor says nothing.  He simply reaches to the wall and knocks.  The moment he does, a huge door lifts up into the ceiling, letting daylight flood the cell.  The sound of a throng, chanting and cheering, rises into the air.  Aecercylle cringes against the harsh light.
  "It's time to see your friends again," says Daasen.

- Theresa - Forte.

It broke her back sometimes
  She would sway and bend like a willow tree
Pounding the keys
  Harder, louder, forte
So the girl in the window would leave
  And her hands would slip sometimes
As saltwater blood fell between her fingers

Amnesia.

December rain,
No need to remind me
Where I am.
I know full well -
I remember perfectly fine -
The tears haven't dried.
Have you spoken to the stars?
I'd like to know
Why they shine in the city
But flee from my window.
Maybe you'd ask them for me
One of these days

Close.

Funny how she forgets
That he's only here while he's here
His presence washes it all away;
The memories and the ghosts hover,
But they ever surround the now

And when she returns
She sees them as those ghosts sometimes
Locked away in separate cells
But you see, there's a hole in the wall
That's all they need
The mind to distill
Enough space to reach
And be infinitely close.

Barricades.

Up go the barricades
Shove it out, shoot it down
Good or bad?
Wrong question - faith.
Time to shatter my ticking clock
And jump onto this train.
All the while, a song in my head
Blocking out the noise
While bringing it near.

Faith.

Stretch.

So hold on, dear.

They do come

Those days you see in your sleep

And when they do, you'll know

Each step is liftoff

And away, away.

So run, dear.

Don't quit the chase now.

Amen and amen

And lift up your eyes.

I'll tell you a secret:

This is your life.

Two Hearts Race.

When two hearts race,
They both win.

Return.

Insomniac insanity

Here I am

Whispers turn into shrieks

Buried in blankets and horror

Come back to me

Both of you

And S.T.A.Y.

Wormhole.

You're a supernova tonight.
You're brilliant and blazing and beautiful
Raging with fire, roaring into darkness
So electrifying that I can see you flickering
From millions

Of

miles

away

You're probably already gone.

All I can see is an echo of you

But all I'll ever know is your stellar vitality

If only there wasn't so much darkness between -

So much empty, black space .

Glimpse.

Sunset makes everyone younger again.

A sepia hue radiates golden on our skin

Funny how we get a drop of the past each day

But it sweeps past most of us into empty gray.

Alone.

I heard you were sitting alone in a crowd

I try now to reach back and rearrange

To melt the past

And pull myself from one place to another

To make a sound amidst all the noise

And fix this lonely, longing heart

Pandorica.

My eyes are bleeding.
Please feel the pulse
Know that I'm alive
Hiding deep down inside

"If only time flew like a dove."

Launch.

Time to jump, love.

Not going to fall backwards -
No, I'll be running at full speed.
Going to launch myself off that edge.

And if I fall, I fall.
But if I fly,
You'll be the one carrying me.

Smoke.

The sky was in smoke tonight

Shrouding the sun's dying light

Not the smoke of a forest blaze

But the older, thick, stinging haze

Of the last campfire before we say goodbye.

When we huddle close and squint our eyes

Coughing and laughing until the flames die

The sky was in smoke tonight.

There's a song stuck in my head

It's why I lie awake in bed

Reminds me to escape to Amsterdam

Such a short life, and so many plans.

When I glimpse the eyes of my brother

I wonder if I'm already my mother

What is this cycle and what do I dread?

There's a song stuck in my head.

Moving.

Run
Fly
Slide away
Don't look back
And never say
It was one year ago today
So thus this year will slip away

Moving
Chasing
Growing near
Stopping short
Frozen in fear
Blinking when I see you're here
If only the future was so clear

Colors.

Come to me

Disguised in dream

And we'll sleep

As colors beneath

Symphonies of stars.

Jagged.

You know, we danced in my dream last night

In a ballroom full of smiles you were my only home

You saw a waterfall in an ordinary pond

So let's go, let's heal, let's run away to April.

Dallas.

I suppose there are supposed to be words

And a way to get away from this world

Looking down, looking around I see beauty

The beauty of a blazing fallen star in my bedroom

So I wash my shoes in the clear Dallas water

And I'm a seventeen-year-old child again.

Reach.

Someday we'll go

And I'm holding onto someday

A fixed point in time for us

We can reach it if we try

Thinkers and dreamers, you and I

Someday we'll see the stars

And what's more,

We'll drift among them

Finding home.

Worlds.

Her thoughts
A tesseract
Infinitely folding
A paradox
Contradicting
A sky
Expanding beyond reach

She just wants to run
To take off and gather them all
Peek around each corner
Of "what if?"
So easy, so easy to get lost
For inside of her
Are worlds and nebulas

Flight.

She wrestles with this number

Struggles beneath this stamp

"Doesn't feel any older."

Just feels more like a trap

No I'm not, no I'm not.

You see, I'm not.

She is, but I'm not.

Not going to stay.

There's such a world to see

Silver screen, you and me?

Just a scratch upon the surface

Dimensions wait for you and me.

She always wakes with the dawn

As it seeps in through the blinds

Now she sleeps beneath a glowing map

Of love, space and time.

Diaphanous.

She lived in a world
That didn't feel like home
More like a tent
That they'd pack up any day now

Effervescent.
They found their arms full of time
And they ran along the street
Throwing it to the wind

You see, for days
The sky had been falling

Well, not falling,
But slowly sliding down
Along the buildings
Weighing down the trees

Suffocating them
Because they were lost.
The sky always told her
Where she was

Today, on the other hand,
The haze lifted off and away
Gone like a breath
Leaving brilliance and glare

She bundled up
And watched the atmosphere light on fire
Those ships took off
And away, away

Someday she'd fly
Cut through the sky and into the stars
They would leave this world behind
••• •••• •   •- -• -••   •••• • •-•   -•• •-• • •- -- • •-•

Until then,
Into the tent and wait
Warmth pinched at her face
And she held tightly.

Invisible.

I have a superpower.

Invisibility.

I do not like this power.

I can try to hide

But people still trip over me

Though they do not see me.

I do not have to be seen

To be in the way.

I would much rather

Be able to fly.

Everywhere.

Here's to eternity.

I see you in those grand clouds

Which spread across the sky like wings

Those are the ones we'll fly through,

One day.

I hear you in wind chimes

As the bitterness carries itself in

I bundle up and listen

Smiling and shivering here

You're in every cup of tea

That brings warmth to my bones

Winter stretches

Though the days are flat

In the morning, you're there

The scintillating sparks of dust

Suspended, drifting before my eyes

As the light catches and fingers them

You're the map in the night sky

Of worlds waiting to be seen

Together.

Even the road brings me back to you

I drive to gray places and back again

But when you're here

And you always are -

Most of all, you're in June.

We break into day at last

After all this sailing, we reach the shore

And the days are long

We last, yes, we are forever

You're everywhere

In the sparkling trees of late morning

The shimmering surface of water

The resurrecting heat on our skin

The bright pavement for bare feet

I hear your song

And sometimes I get confused

But you see, the difference is

That you can exist here

Everywhere

Because we're part of it all

Singing

And my favorite song

Is the one I sing with you.

Traveler.

Is it true, what they say?

That she's a time traveler?

We all travel in time, love

But you see things that most don't see

Perhaps she should seal her lips

It'll go away, after all

In time

These longings will become a horizon she's left behind

November.

He chose to build it
With those innocent eyes
Looking up to me every day
A home with a porch all around
Steps in front
A balcony in back
A hallway inside
Well done, little brother

I wish she'd leave
She was born into a family of thinkers
But still no amount of thought
Could prevent her existence

Maybe she begins an echo
As she's falling asleep
Maybe she fingers the strings
Hearing a haunting melody
Maybe she shuts the windows at night

They'll never understand why

Just like they don't now

How could one hide

The hideous scars?

They stretch over her skin
Embracing darkly
"It's okay, love, it never would have."

Scars
Which build her a cage
As a homecoming gift

Guess she used to look up

Now she contemplates the ground

A broken umbrella
Can hide the stars just fine

And when she sees him -
Nothing as cold as steel
For they never were sane or same
No, only a faint question.
Does he still feel the beats?

Stop writing about fear, love.

Earthly.

Across dimensions, remember?

Belief.

"Belief," she said. "What a funny idea. It can't possibly change anything, so what's the use?"

"Why, my dear," he said, "of course it can!

"In fact, I believe it changes everything."

Verge.

A window open on both sides for you
I'm always there waiting and watching, it's true
You know I've been waiting so long to be seen
Now let's shoot into the cosmos on a silver screen

Run.

A calling to run

Wishes rise on my skin

Let's escape again

The walls wait to shatter

Can we run for our lives,

Standing there in the golden light?

Just like we do now

On every rainy day

Sanity.

I've decided
That there's a photograph I need
To be hanging in my room
A little piece of sanity
I cling to you

Every.

Because just between you and me,

They can't ever make us

Grow up.

Waking.

Lying beneath the curtains of fear

Traveling through thoughts oscillating

The constellations of late morning

Parting a way through my consciousness

Stepping, enamored,

Exhale

As eyes survey and find warmth

Smile

It taps on the deepest bones

Which ache,

But refuse to crumble

Ready?

Together.

Unfolding.

Fold it all up and drive away
Save it until the end of the day

November comes around
Like the first star in the sky
And the air is thick
Condensing when I breathe
So hold my hand
And whisper with your eyes

Nation.

I am a nation

Ever hard to please

Second day going

But it'll crash like the tide

I am a people

Who turn away your good gifts

Get me out of this

I don't want to just feel anymore

Teach me to float the waves

To sail with my body

If I tell you that you're my life raft

Will you keep me from drowning?

Kind.

Is it really possible?

I feel it is

On days like this

When all I feel is faith

And reason is kind

Yet she walks beside me

A shadow

I see her though I don't want to

She's broken

With a splintered heart of steel

She's the one who's given up

Who watched as they ripped out her soul

She still holds her head high

Because He holds her through it all

But she'll never be the same

And it's because she is the same.

The same as all the rest.

Except there's a real hole

Gaping in her chest

And she stumbles to stand tall.

Every turn

Is not just a reminder

But a bleeding scar

Broken promises and bones

Littered everywhere

Like a poison

Eating at her veins

She can't forgive herself

For covering her own eyes

And looking up

Is it really possible

To watch her walk away?

I feel it is

On days like this

Oh God, help me -

Tonight.

Please sleep tonight, my friend

As I add another ticket to my collection

As you toil and wring your mind dry

And I will follow you there,

Just as my eyes followed you home -

See you tonight, my friend.

Sick.

How things have changed.

I used to feel your gaze resting on me

Yet never did I dare to lift my eyes

Paralyzed by such gentleness

Now when I look up

It's like staring into the sky

We wave a flag with each smile

And we hold it high with a wordless promise

How things have changed.

I used to splash in the creek

Used to stretch my hands to reach you

Surrendering my all

Now when I look inside

I don't know who lives there

I'm waiting for perfection, for my answer

What if this is it?

Bet you weren't ready for this.

Allow me to unfold the girl you hadn't seen.

Her deepest parts, her darkened chasms

Her soul, you'll find, is screaming

Aren't we all?

Sick.

But holding on.

Eleven.

Get this parasite out of my heart!

Someone,

GET THIS PARASITE OUT OF MY HEART!

It swells

And then it's sucked away.

I can't put you through this

Day after day.

Been remembering, been smiling

Been praying, been crying

Been plugging in those headphones

Screaming for those words to be home

What if I bleed out?

Is that how it will end, then?

Yeah, I've heard it all before.

From everyone else

From myself

Don't want to crack

When I see a shooting star

When I pass the white line

When I walk out to the mailbox

When I wake up

Fighting this poison in my blood.

Waiting until the war is won.

Different.

Her identity was a tower

Built with bricks of difference

The path came to a split

So she decided to do it differently

The tower cast its shadow

As the ground began to quake

So hard to stay in the light

But if she stepped into darkness

Down would crash the tower

Encasing her in a prison of sameness.

Streak.

Do you remember

That scintillating streak of cloud

Painted in the sky?

We called it stardust

Funny

I'd rather be lying on that pavement

Than wrapped up here

Under warm blankets

Alive.

Oh, but sometimes

Such beautiful things can come with sleep.

On the step by the cabin it is, then.

I'm heading there now

To see you

Dampened by gray and misty air

The lamps inside will be glowing

You know I haven't forgotten for a moment.

And those words haven't lost

A single fiber of their truth.

I do believe

That they remain somehow

Alive

Suspended everywhere

Ringing true throughout all of time.

Dictation.

Maybe if I don't read it

It won't have to end.

Yes, good that.

That should do the trick.

Fantasy.

I think you arrive at my doorstep

More often than you realize.

Curious.

I'm just curious
Letting my ponderings get away from me

It used to be
We'd build forts in the backyard
Watch the same movies over and over
Dream of growing up one day

Now I wake
I write out a list
Make markings throughout the day
Marvel at the change

And dream of one day.

Treehouses.

See, their treehouses were side by side
They used to dance in the grass
Time went on and they would sit in their treehouses and talk
Leaning on the windowsills
Laughter floating to the clouds
After a while they closed the windows
And just smiled at each other through the glass
Nothing needed to be said
They were watching those branches grow

Armor.

What do I do
When your eyes are the shooting stars of my universe
When you're there if I turn
When your footsteps echo mine
When you shine on me just being me

Is it us against the world
Or us against ourselves?

Unfinished.

My life is full of

Things unfinished.

Unfinished paintings on my wall.

Undelivered letters in my bag.

Incomplete drawings in my sketchbook.

Fragmented stories in my head.

So many things

I wish I could complete

But then I see unfinished photos

Hear those unfulfilled songs

And I realize

Hope has taken root in my very soul

And it's starting a riot in my veins

Not everything

Has to end.

Recording.

I reach into emptiness

I reach into shadows

I fall into a cloud

I fall and then fly

I scream into a crowd

I scream into silence

True?

She's learning a new song
She'll play it every dawn
Until it becomes true
Then she'll play it for you

Blinded.

Did you know
That sometimes blindness
Can shock the soul?
At times such a brightness descends
That your heart forgets
How to beat
And you feel
The fibers in your muscles
Ignite
Your feet hover above the ground
You can't release a breath
There goes the blood to your head
And the brain is just
Sparking
About to catch fire
So brilliant, this brightness
That everything else grows dark.

Breeze.

Life
A beautiful breeze
I swam through a tide of faces
Voices pecking at my ears
I'd smile, say hello
This face would ask my age
That one would ask my grade
I swept past an old man
We talked for one moment
And his question was
"So what's your next step?"

Never got to answer.

Mirror.

Just doing what I know to do
Suddenly, I am gone
Or am I?
I think of deep things
Staring into the sea sometimes

Steady.

They're all pulling at me

The scars are starting to bleed again

Steady my standing now

I know you will

I know you will

Rough.

Funny how that song has always seemed
Unfinished
Yeah, they went to a studio
They recorded and polished it up
But it's not perfect
Not for this girl

One day, we'll get there -
Dancing on a shaking floor
Blinded by flashing lights
And that's when we'll remember
Every previous thread
And see them falling into a tapestry.

Ephemeral.

I can feel it setting in
What if we never go back?
"That anchor doesn't move."
Oh, please be true.

Yeah, hope I can dream.
Hope I really can meet you there
Sheltered beneath wood and leaves
Warm lamplight peeking out from behind the doors

Sometimes my blood
Is transparent saltwater.

Sister.

It's you I think of
When I see the monarchs
I remember you smiling at them
And how we grew intertwined
We're climbing a wall, you and I

Hard to believe you're grown
Wish you'd drive home
We'd stay up way too late
So behind on each other's worlds
You may be on your own now
But you're never alone
Sister of mine

Paradox.

So laugh at me
If I don't wipe the stains off my shoes
Nostalgic much
This girl who writes letters in script to you

Well, I heard it in a song once
That each of us is just a time machine
Shifting back and forth in dreams
Stuck in love with all our memories

Life is a beautiful paradox.

Before It's Too Late.

So stand on the edge with me

Hold back your fear and see

Nothing is real till it's gone.

Redolent.

Don't care what these clothes smell like

I'm sleeping in them again

Because that was the closest to home

I have ever been

And I need it right now,

I need it right now.

Banal.

Up, up, up.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

Stone.

You chose not to skip your heart down the stream

See how many times it would bounce

How far it would go before sinking

Instead you gave it to me

And I'm not letting go

Rope.

This carpet smells strangely new

But it's so

Old

Thinking about tomorrow

Thinking about this week

About next year

Next life

Screaming

Not going to drown

Not going to disintegrate

Not going to crumble

Not going to fall back into neat little pieces

Gonna hold onto dreams, this one is

Going to believe in six impossible things before breakfast

And until our lungs are raw:

We

Will

Make

It.

Ethereal.

I lay awake last night

Not because I couldn't sleep

But because I couldn't close my eyes

So we said it

See, in my mind

It was never going to be radical

But those words crashed through

And grabbed the wheel

Now I'm staring up at the ground

Tears falling through my hair

As I laugh

It was ethereal

"I don't like it in here; it's terribly crowded."

Well, here's

The long list of questions

What now?

Vivid.

I'm still there

Sitting on a damp porch

Washing dishes on homecoming night

Swatting smoke away from my eyes

Skipping stones across the river

"Where are we going?"

"We don't know yet."

"I'll miss you when I wake up..."

Return.

Leave the lights off

Don't want to know where I am

Don't want to illuminate this room

Don't want to be here

End.

I've put this morning away

Since we last saw stars

And I'm trying not to wake up

Please

Don't

End.

Holding.

It all started with a smile

Across a crowded foyer

Now we have one more glorious day

And I'm holding on,

Holding on.

Lucid.

I guess we've got to wash our eyes

In order to see clearly sometimes.

Few.

This is the story of every Wednesday
Already worn and waiting away
I'll wake up in a few days and it'll be that special dawn
And my first thought will be hope I don't get it wrong

Because then it will be gone.

White.

I'm going to stubbornly believe
That I can send this whisper across a few streets
And it will bring you dreams
Unlikely as it seems

Once.

Please bring sleep
It's like she said
Been on my knees every night
Please bring sleep just this time
Cause this time
It's not for me

Repair.

You can't fix everything
With just a hammer, you know
Nor can you grab your pliers
And try to pull out the sorrow

This may be news,
But some things fall apart.

Eldest.

Sometimes when you stand up straight
A few bones break along the way.

Knock.

Oh, stop shaking, love.
You should know by now
That fairy tales are real
And they knock on your door sometimes.

Nearness.

Can we fly to the moon?

We'd settle down there and watch, I think

As the universe swirled by

We'd trace pictures in the stars

Let supernovas steal our breath

And I think out there

In the brilliance of it all

We'd find ourselves

Watching.

The ground has fused with my flesh

As I look at life through an hourglass

It pours through and flips on its head

And I'm nauseous, lying here in wait

Beyond.

I fell in love tonight.

We swam through that vibrant city

And I realized

Why I'd hesitated to fall for it before.

Something wasn't quite right -

Ah, yes.

Of course.

I always knew, but I could never name it.

Somehow

I'm beyond blessed

And this is all still only the prequel.

Praise.

Head down

Hands high

Hallelujah

He is, I'm not.

Floodlights.

The air grows brisk in October

The hatch hangs open in the back

My dad and brother sitting on the edge

My feet propped up on the backseat

In your invisible shadow

The place where you should be

Always seems to be next to me

I wish I could switch it off

The aching, the longing

But that would be to switch off the world

Because you're everywhere

They had this song going before the show

Wake me up when it's all over

Funny how those words bring us back

Yet we don't want to miss a thing

Well, I missed you tonight

Out to the parking lot they carried the concert

They'd dance between the cars and sing

Run up to the highway and shout

They didn't want the show to end

Guess we're not the only ones

It would have been infinite

Had you brought eternity with you

And as we drive the long road back home,

A vibrant city waves goodbye

A chiseled green tower

A sparkling sphere on a pole

A hotel shining tides of light

But my eyes strain to make out a small red word

Suspended, it would seem, in the night

I suppose the incomplete moments

Make the complete ones worth remembering.

Blame.

There's this kid I knew

Well, I still see him around sometimes, but he's not the same you know

Saw him at church not too long ago

And it was a blow to the skull because he's grown

I knew a little boy with a squeaky voice

He talked kinda funny and was always getting into trouble

He'd sneak into his sister's room through the window

Scare the heck out of her and then run off laughing

He'd steal cookies and stuff them in his shirt

And he thought he was going to be a skateboarder for real one day

Well I saw his clone at church

But the childhood was sucked out of him

He became a twelve-year-old adult just like that

And I know what's been going on behind the scenes

Dad's leaving and Mom's always angry

I didn't think I'd see him anytime soon

He was like a ghost to me

Those brows set in stone

Eyes set straight ahead at nothing

His voice deep like my friends'

He just looked

Tired

Like someone had dealt him a sack full of bruises

They probably came as sleepless nights

Yeah, he figured out real fast

That you can't trust the ones who smile

Yeah, I know it's never over 'til it's over

And I know you're good to the core

I just can't believe we did this.

Well, never say die

Because then it happens

Yeah, I know the dreams are just that

And I know I don't really watch them grow cold every single night

But I look out to the horizon

And I see clouds turning into waves

There was a storm today and how quickly we forgot

Yet I'm still sitting here watching the lightning

I think about Skinner and how she brushed by my life

I see another girl strolling through the aisle with her aunt

There's the one who broke me, and she left with a deafening whisper

And I've got to give it all up to you every time

Because you love, and you love, and you love me

Well when I think about losing him I kill him in my sleep

And I know that's not your fault

My good God, why would I blame you?

Just tell me, why is the sound of my sister showering

Such a strident cacophony?

See, I'm learning words for the test now

There's so much at stake

Well if I drift then will it be your fault?

Or will it be mine?

That's what I'm trying to figure out

I know we committed genocide and we invented disease and we crumbled that mountain

But still he dies

Every

single

night

That I fall asleep alone.

Is that my fault?

Even though I pray in tears for it to stop?

It's all I can do

And yes you're infinite and perfect

But I just have to find someone to blame.

Day.

It's moments like these
Which I so love
We're separated
But together
Don't need to say a thing
We just listen

Eventide.

She stares up into the sky
Twilight has always been her favorite
A canopy of hues from another world
Impossible to describe in words
Something pulsating
The color of a fading blossom
Yes, there are dark clouds
Scattered and broken
And the silhouettes
Of ghostly trees
But a scintillating resurrection
Bursts on the horizon
Tracing the outline
Of a pool of visible echoes
Which blurs undefined into darkness
And there
Squinting
She begins to see stars.

Cars.

The cars are loud tonight

As they drive down my street

Their lights flood my room

And I turn over

The water's running

A door closing

But loudest are my thoughts

Shouting don't let her sleep.

Honestly?

She stops and stares at her sand castle

Then pounds it into dust

Dives deep into its depths

And buries herself in its remains.

Choking, she screams:

I don't deserve any of it!

Regret.

Desperately

Hopeless.

Break me

To pieces.

I need

To shatter

To realize

What matters.

Ghost.

I retrace my steps

I've left something behind

But the room is empty

See, you're still on my mind

There you are sitting

And there I am too

I'd gladly go insane

If I'd always see you.

Sleepless.

Dear little story of mine,
You keep me up until dawn sometimes.

Please.

Please don't ask me
I don't want to lie
My one request
Please turn your eyes
Focus on her
Focus on you
Please forget about me
I'll make it through

As long as I remember
That someone remembers me.

Intent.

She stands on the table and screams,

Hey, you!
Yes, you.
You make it all mean something.

Sight.

At the sight of you
My head bursts into poems
Thousands of couplets, sonnets, stanzas
All overflowing
From my mind's race to describe

At the sight of you
My heartbeat becomes a melody
Our starlit songs
Swell and resound in the sky

If you would just stand there
I think I could write a song
A hundred miles long

Counting.

Let it be enough.
Oh, please let it be enough.
I'm tired
Of these sudden knives
Just let it be enough
Enough until spring.

Autumn.

Windows open
Wasn't I just here?
Flashes
It's soccer season
But no, I'm not playing anymore
Lights
Flooding down onto concrete
A parking lot
Friends and funnel cake
Running
Up the hill
To a railroad
Curling up on the tracks
Let's play hide-and-seek
The smell
Of my dad's sweatshirt
And of Mom's pumpkin candle
Burning
Over the mantle
Opening the door
To a kitchen and cider
Friends that once were
Now
We start it all again
In autumn.

Seasons.

God, thank you for seasons.
Thank you that not everything lasts.

Trace.

No, I do think I'll be okay
This time around.

Not just for the summer,
But for our lives.

Subconscious.

You know, I had this dream

It was just a dream

Yet it won't leave my mind

So let me slip it into yours

Thing is, you were there

You don't know who you are, I guess

But perhaps you do

It was like a story

Memories mixed with fantasies

A crowded cabin full of faces

And yours, there in the distance

Smiling,
Waiting

I swore it was real

Then we broke into day

I lifted my eyes to the deepest blue sky

The clouds were an ocean

And I fell, captured, onto soft, bright grass

I didn't glance sideways

But you had lain beside me

It's these images

Which print onto my subconscious

One day, maybe they'll fuse with reality

I hope

Across.

Must have been about this time
Yeah, it must have been about this time
It was you and me
Learning to fly
Walking past rails beneath a sunset sky

To scrape at understanding
Would be to scrape the clouds
Yet the most beautiful thing
Is that you crashed through
I'll never know how, but somehow you knew

And you came without a word
Following a constellation path
You crossed every universe
Settled down on my earth
And diffused into the air

I woke in a field of galaxies
Stood to face the dawn
Your atmosphere filled my lungs
Stardust shot through my blood
And with meteor hearts we came to life.

Goodnight. Goodnight.

Oh, I hate repeating myself

Sorry I tend to stutter

Oh, but you know why

I simply don't know what to say

When you take my breath away

I Miss You.

Hello there
The angel from my nightmare
I miss you too.

Riot.

Lonely boy, don't you dare.

Lonely boy, stay over there.

Growing boy, hush your voice.

Growing boy, you've no choice.

Clever boy, who are you?

Clever boy, see them through.

Dreamer boy, crush the fear.

Dreamer girl is very near.

Request.

Dear dream,
Take me
Away
To an open land
Let me
Run
And
Fly
Create
A fantasy
Tonight
I want to find the world of my childhood.

Wandering.

She opens the door
Looks out into the shimmering curtains of water
And with one step
She's gone.

He watches it roll off the rooftop
Stares up at the white sky
What would it be like to fly?
He slips down the stairs.

Bare feet splash the streams
She spins and dances along the street
Not caring who hears her laugh
Arms wide, catching the gems on her skin.

Down the sidewalk
Across the bridge
He's wandering
Because somewhere, the rain is singing.

September rain
Is the perfect time
To raise her voice
And listen to the thunder.

It's getting closer
He sees a figure in the distance
Flickering in the downpour
And he hears the soundtrack of his summer.

Invoked.

She finishes typing her message
On the telegraph
Looks out the window
And her heart skips a beat
It's pouring.

As if she called down the rain
With her message
Of memory.

Now.

Sometimes
My heart takes
Ten minutes
And forty-five seconds
To explain itself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5IlxIzL8mw

(Close your eyes.)

Preparing.

I sit by this window
And prepare for war.
Oh, it's nothing unusual, dear.
Just one day more.

So Much.

••   --• ••- • ••• •••   ••   -•• ••• -• -

•••• •- •••- •   •-- --- •-• -•• •••;

- •••• •   ••• --- -• --• •••   ••• •- -•--

•• -   •- •-•• •-••.

•••• •- •--• •--• -•--   -••• •• •-• - •••• -•• •- -•--,   -- -•--   •-- --- -• -•• • •-• •-- •- •-•• •-••.

All or Nothing At All.

You feel your heartbeat loudest

When it's breaking.

I want you.

All or nothing at all.

Conquistador.

Thinking about last night.

Thinking about evening

When everything was bright.

You know, it wasn't chance,

Not quite

That placed our bench under a patch of twilight.

Learning things about you

I never would have guessed

Deciding that you've got to be the best one

Of the best.

We could sail past the trees, you know,

Into our favorite sky

How perfect it all was

As we looked over the crest

Here you came upon my call

Yeah, I never would have guessed

Everything

That happened

So fast.

On your knees in seconds

Terror seized your heart

After all this, still desperate

That it wouldn't fall apart.

And it's in these moments

That I see the depths of you.

Crying out.

Holding tight.

In disbelief.

Voice breaking.

Eyes staring.

Over and over.

Explaining.

It's a wrench in my chest.

These words have begun to blur.

Rollercoaster.

We know it's coming

As we climb up each mountain

It's only a matter of time

Before we go crashing down again.

Either your breath is sucked away

Or you're screaming at the top of your lungs

Twists and pitfalls

Dark tunnels along the way

Still we strap ourselves into the ride

With buckles, bars and harnesses.

Leave your valuables behind, love-

No way to hold onto them

Yeah, so we slowly crest the wave

And peer over the edge

But as we go down,

Are we falling or flying?

Follow.

A picture's worth a thousand words

Which, of course, makes it easy.

Sometimes there are no words,

In which case we have to settle

For pictures

Or code

Or

This time, though, come with me.

Come follow me to where I sit

In a hard, wooden chair 

It's the softest place I've been all day.

Before me, ice seeps into dark coffee

Laced with milk and syrup

And the gray dusk of a day that had nowhere to go

Seeps in through the window

I look out at the bent trees and the harsh wind

Behind me, the soft melodies of John Mayer murmur

I'm waiting for tomorrow

To sweep me up again.

Don't think I'm ready

But then again, I never am

Doesn't matter how many times

I sit here, alone with my thoughts and a dismal singing man.

Check.

Open your eyes

You're paralyzed in bed

Look around, love-

It was all in your head

Just another dream, love,

Where you lost him again

But look down at your hands

There's no note to be read

No letter delivered by a shadow

Describing perfectly how he died

He's still around, dear

And not only in your mind

The roses are there by your pillow

The promise round your neck

So get up, move on, your day has begun

With an ordinary reality check

Blessings.

Talking to you today and reading your letter.

Remembering.

Less pain?

Smiling now.

Schoolbooks.

Coffee.

Music. Writing.

Crystal.

Wide open lawn.

Megan.

Three compliments.

Ukulele.

Waving.

My favorite faces.

Jonah.

Hugs.

Verses. Laughing.

A door opening.

Stars.

Finally.

"You're Beautiful."

Peephole.

At sunset,

If you crouch down by the staircase

And look to the door

There's a certain spot

You may have to crane your neck

But when you find it

Through the peephole

Comes

A whirlwind of light and color

Almost blinding

Feathered on the edges

More hues than you've ever seen

Blending, swirling, dancing

Sparkling

Brilliant

It's like finding you.

Prayer.

You hold the pail of water over my head,

But I ask one thing of you:

Please don't wake me up.

I'm too afraid that I'll drown.

Longing.

Some days

Are longing days

I long to walk the city streets

Or to swim down to the depths

Or to create my own world and breathe it in

I think we call it longing

Because it makes every moment

Longer.

Today was a longing day.

But today

I longed for

What I always long for.

So all I can do

Is repeat that promise

And sleep well,

Sleep well.

Unfair.

It's just that the colors are almost the same.

Which is, of course, wrong.

Ungrateful.

Trying to forget

How much I want it back

Quick, turn on the music

Need to hear some sounds I know and understand

But our song starts playing

And my head is in my hands.

Somehow.

He walks in
With his eyes set straight ahead
His face fighting a smile,
He knows
Just what he's doing

Her eyes glance upwards

And her world explodes into

Light

Sparks, fireworks everywhere

But they're blurred

From the sudden, stinging

Tears

He sees those eyes

A reflection of their shared, hidden hope

Bursting forth now

Brilliant and so

Beautiful

They've made it.

How?

He's here.

He wasn't supposed to be

She didn't let herself hope

And yet

By accident she kept looking out the window

By accident

She jumped at every opening door

Did he do okay?

Was he wrong to keep it from her?

No,

Here she comes now

Running at full speed

Crashing into his arms

It's so hard to let go

But the thing is,

She already did.

And now he's here

No more letting go.

Somehow,

Thank you.

Half.

Today, in the light of the falling sun

The moon shows half its face

It's at war

Breaking Through.

So this is what we've decided to do?
I'm talking to me and I'm talking to you.

We all hurt the same way but no one can know,
For it's far too frightening to let those things show.

So get on your blog and write about someone
Whose name you think you can hide from everyone. . . .

I know your name.

I see souls screaming as I scroll down the page.
We all feel this panic and sorrow and rage.

Are you still certain you're really alone?
Look around you, my friend, let us carry you home

To a world where we all see each other so clear:
Raw, paper faces down, poisoned with fear.

I swear I know your name.

So what will it take for us all to break through?
I'm talking to me and I'm talking to you.

It starts with the first of us taking that step.
So here goes: You still haven't seen me yet.

I scream inside when the moments are gone
Because I can't see any hope in moving on;

So much darkness has shrouded my past
That I wonder how long all this light can last.

Fear of the future paralyzes my thoughts.
I only trust because faith's all I've got.

Now I dare you to come out from behind your wall.
You know we're anchored together, after all.

September.

I know you won't be there tomorrow

I have to know that

Because the worst death is the one with hope so near

So I'm sparing myself pain,

Really

Can anything be better than bittersweet anymore?

Another sun soaked season

Fades away.

Happy first of September, my sanity.

Epic.

And sometimes 

If my eyes shine differently when I look into yours

I'm sorry

I hope you don't mind

It's just that I've been spending time in ink and paper

Taking myself to our world of yesterdays

And when I return

You're even more beautiful than before

There.

Oh, suddenly
A punch in the stomach
And I'm there
Do you remember?
You're listening too
To the memory that ended too soon
You playing
Me singing
I can't breathe anymore

Calendar.

I knocked my calendar down today.

It fluttered down and fell open to May.

As I picked it up and put it away,

It seemed as though I had glimpsed yesterday.

Drifting.

Looking back
Looking forward
Looking down
I'm not standing
I'm drifting
I'm both here and there
Trying to breathe
Trying to focus

Trying to just

hold

on

Don't Look Down.

Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I'm young

For speaking out of turn

There's someone I've been missing

I think that they could be

The better half of me

So many wars we've fought

So many things we're not

But with what we have

I promise you that

We're marching on

We won't break

We won't die

It's just a moment of change

So hear this now

Send this out to sea
Send it where you want it
You can take it note for note
Or not at all
There's no filling up your spaces
With fictionary places
Imaginary faces
They don't work at all

All this time 

We were waiting on each other

Got all these words

Can't waste them on another

And if we only live once

I want to live with you.

March.

So afraid of moving on

I hear his voice in my head

      "Change is life, darling."

Then why am I still waiting

For the fear to leave? 

Letters.

I look around me
And see all the beautiful people in my life.
They seem ordinary
On the outside
But dare yourself to look deeper
And you'll be amazed.

A wise girl with curly hair
I've spoken to her maybe twice
But she astonishes me
Because she looks younger than she is
But speaks older than she's lived

A tall girl with shy eyes
But there's so much more than that
Her words are few but her thoughts soar
She tries desperately to understand
The things most of us give up on
And I see those eyes on me often
It makes me smile, for I don't know why

A snarky boy who thinks he's blond
At first glance, he's all talk
Likes to sing and write
Oh, you should hear him
I listen to the words and have to blink
Who knew what was going on in that heart?
And I hear things about him that surprise me

A laughing girl with a wild side
Her friends are many and precious
But you'd never guess
How hard she's worked for them
The battles she's fought

A boy who can make anyone smile
Hard to understand sometimes
It's easy to see the costumes he wears
And to laugh at his endless jokes
But his heartbeat is an army drum
Because he's fighting to be himself
Which is funny
Because who couldn't love him
Exactly the way he is?

A boy with glasses and a longboard
Maybe the strongest of all
Hardly speaks, always listens
Always thinks
And he brings so much light to us
Out of so much darkness

A girl with beauty plain to see
Both inside and out
Because while she smiles less now
She still tries
For her it's like climbing a mountain
Every time you see that sparkling smile
Hardly blame her
I'd be gone

A sweet spirit of a girl
Everyone knows her as kind
Few know her as troubled
She swims out into the deep
With the faith of someone flying
And she always
Always
Holds on

A singing girl with long hair
She dresses like a different generation
Her song is there for all to hear
She's unashamed
Wise
We've all fought our wars
And she's no different
But she always has a hand reaching out

A quirky boy
You hear his name and laugh
We love having him around
Because he's so different
Did you know he stands on solid rock?
As the storm swirls around
He never doubts

A small girl who looks up to everyone
Her smile is the sun
She sits and listens hard
Touches others deeply

A girl clad in violet
She's a flower
Poking up through the snow
Soaking in the sun
I'm proud to know her
And you will be too

A girl with angel's hair
She echoes a fairy
A born leader with her share of fears
She keeps them in and keeps on talking
And she's come so far
Trying to be someone else
Her life is just beginning

A girl you'd pass right by
Or look right over
Because few take the time to know her
And when they do they realize
That she's unlike any other
How could they not have seen it before?
Well, I'll tell you something
She doesn't know that yet

A funny boy with a big heart
We all smile around him
He brings joy to any room
But to him it's something new

And how do I describe this one
You probably think you know him
Well, maybe you know his brilliance
Or his infectious laugh
But that's the cover of a long, incredible book
Chapters and chapters of a beautiful story
And somehow
I have the privilege
Of an occasional appearance

Oh, there are too many.
I've already gone on for much too long.
I could keep going forever
Writing about the intricate people
Who amaze me from near or afar
But I have to keep that all in my head, I guess,
And just smile knowingly to myself.

Still.

The rising sun
Is making
The saltwater
Sparkle.

And it's beautiful.

Faith.

You can't see the ground
But you know you're standing.

Print.

And voila
It's gone
A glint, really,
A bright flash
Something that was never really
Here,
After all

And we sit back
Rigid
Smiling our tears
All one of us

Tell me
Whisper in my ear
"It was."
Remind me
With
Ink
Pictures
A chord
A song

Let's wash away-
And leave behind
Meaning

F#m7.

It's a simple chord
But I swear it's special
Because there are two people in this world
Who can ride it back in time
To a million different moments

Glass.

How do you always know?

I guess that's what you are

My constant miracle

And I just wish I could find

A way to tell you

I can never say enough

Homesick.

I'm sleeping fine

But still fatigue is creeping in

Because time slows when I'm not home

The hours stretch

And I find myself living longer

I grow older than I should be

So close, but still so far.

Stolen.

We watch the season pull up

Its own stakes

And catch the last weekend

Of the last week

Pictures.

Perched on a branch
Eyes on the sky
You spread your wings
And you take flight

Frozen in place
A room was once yours
Saying goodbye
Like never before

Growing up now
For everyone else
Trying so hard
Not to lose yourself

Dark green sofa
A cup of tea
You sit at your keyboard
And you hope to be

Halfway.

I hope you laugh
I hope you cry
I hope you see
Through to the other side

More.

The sun is setting again.
Wait a minute.
How-

You'd think it's just an ordinary day, but for that it was more than a dream.

Statue.

Because if you're going to be a lost cause,
Then it's you and me both, kid.

-Theresa- Meteor Shower.

  She walked out and he was there, waiting.  There was plenty of room on the trampoline for two.  Grinning, she climbed up and lay down next to him.  He took her hand to hold her steady, though they were merely lying there.  She looked into his deep brown eyes, deeper than the oceans of stars above them.  His face was bathed in the light of the brilliant moon.
  "Look at them," he said.
  She averted her gaze and saw clusters of diamonds hanging in the sky.  Pure, white light emanated from them; had they been any closer than a billion miles away, they'd have been blinding.  It was as if angels had left a trail of dust in the air.  And if you watched long enough, one of those sparks would fall to the earth below, followed by its companion, as they chased each other out of the sky.
  "Do you see Orion's belt?" he asked her.
  Theresa blushed.  "I couldn't tell you.  The only one I know is the Big Dipper. . . .  And I can't even find that."
  Jonathan stretched out his pinky and his thumb.  "Take about that distance below the moon, look to your left, and . . ."
  A smile broke out on Theresa's face.  "I see it."
  They lay in content silence together.  After a while, Jonathan started telling a story about a time when he had been on the beach, watching two girls try to surf.  They were so pitiful that, even though he'd had one surfboarding lesson in his life, he went up to them and told them that he was a certified surfboarding instructor.  They completely believed him, so with that, he gave them lessons on how to surf.
  Theresa couldn't stop laughing.  She tried her hardest not to wake the neighbors, but that was a difficult task.  It felt incredible to laugh so hard.
  "I thought I knew you," said Jonathan.  "At least four months ago, I thought I truly knew everything about you.  I would never have guessed that you hide so much from everyone.  That laugh, for instance.  I'd bet anything that only a few people in this world get to ever hear your laugh- your real one- and here I am, enjoying it long into the night."
  Theresa turned to him, stunned.  He'd spoken piercing truth.  And she didn't even realize how much she hid away.  Tears suddenly threatened to spill over.
 "I see your eyes," said her companion.
  But when she glanced at him, he wasn't looking at her.  His eyes were fixed on the stars.
  Theresa followed his gaze, and they fell back into beautiful silence.  But she couldn't prevent the tragic irony of her next words.
  "I don't want it to end."
  Jonathan sighed.  "Neither do I.  But the sun is rising."
  Theresa shut her eyes.  "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
  A pause.  "I don't know," he admitted.  "But I wish you were here.  It's magnificent."
  Theresa's eyes flew open.  The space next to her was empty and cold.  Her heart twisted as she realized it had been so this whole time.
  "Goodbye, Theresa," said Jonathan over the phone.  "And I promise you this:
  "I'll see you soon."

Love Letter.

I'm writing a love letter to summer

Knowing it won't write back for a year

I'll miss you, long days and starry nights

We truly had the best of times

And now we have the best of memories

So here goes: Goodnight, my everlasting love.

Hayley.

She stands like a war-torn city
Afraid to let trust seep in
And this is such a hard one to write
Because she's gone.

Will I ever see her again?
A bright flash of lightning is what she was
A shock and a brilliance we didn't expect
And she's the strongest thing you've ever seen,
And like lightning I loved her.

She smiles but shows her scars
And we all know she's come so far
Her story is unfinished
And God gave me the love to be in one small chapter.

The dark dyed hair
Maybe too much skin and makeup
Always shouting and screaming
Because no one's ever listened before
And it's why we love her.

She's wild but her eyes see hope
The sun is rising behind them
And while this may be goodbye for a while
Prayers will remind her that she's never alone.

Rendezvous.

I'll meet you at the treehouse in my dream

And we'll sing long into the night

Looking up at the stars

And in my dream

It will be infinite

Words.

So this is what I have to do
I have to write a poem for you

Because the moments themselves are so
Magnificent
And breathtaking
And
And I try
But the words slip through my hands

They float away
To join the stars
And at dawn I find them scattered in the grass
And I gather them in my arms
And I wrap them up
For you

It was better than all my dreams.
Is there any way I can begin to thank you?
And I'm still singing your song
And my flowers are by my window
And I still have a dime in my pocket
Would I forget?

By the way
I saw your note
And it was like the most beautiful ending to summer
And you always have words
And I promise I kept my promise
Thanks to you

They come flooding in now
The memories
And I want to jump off that dock
And I keep looking for your eyes to see me
And I miss your strong hand holding mine
Wet with our tears

And they're gone.

So this is what I have to do
I have to write a poem for you.

This Day.

This day
I pack away
Folding clothes and belongings
Into a small space

Tomorrow
When the sun is high
I'm leaving
Going to live somewhere else for a while

Going to laugh,
Going to cry
Going to hook arms with my family
Together we'll learn and smile

This day
As I pack away
I bump into the girl
Who was here, one year ago today

Messy hair
Untouched face
She doesn't notice me
But I am frozen in place

Don't stare.
What should I say?
Would she hear me?
So I step away.

And she looks up,
Looks straight through me
Doesn't know what's coming
Would she want to see?

Life
Carries on,
So this girl will sleep tonight
And wake to a beautiful dawn.

••• --- ••- -• -•• - •-• •- -•-• -•- --- ••-• -- -•-- ••• ••- -- -- • •-•.

And when I said I loved that song

It was a message

And aren't you so good

At code?

Waiting.

And she repeats the words he gave her
And she paces around the room
And she begins to sing it until it is a battle cry
I'll see you soon.

Paragraph.

    I sit here searching for words, and normally I'd be ranting in sentences that don't make sense- but this time it's going to mean something.  Yet the words have all left me in a quest for their own meaning.  Why is it that when my fingers rest on the keyboard they never move?  I want to tell you, no, to show you, why it's new and not something from my childhood.  Because it's for you, and only you.  Maybe you'll see that, the way you always see me.  It's an amazing exchange, really, the writer and the reader.  But instead of something poetic, all my words have flown away like the doves that perch at my window, and I sit here scrambling to be an artist like you, but in reality I can write nothing.  It doesn't even come close, as hard as I try.  And oh, how I wish I could at least write a paragraph for you-

One.

Sometimes the most beautiful thing
Is to forget,
Just for a little while

Pulled.

Tell me there's someone out there
Who can lean in close and whisper,
"I know."

Did you know that my eyes are screaming
For someone to see into them?

But my eyes can see, so I know:
You're always there,
But somehow it still feels like you're gone-

Incomplete.

Nothing so close can be ripped away

Without leaving its share of scars.

Again.

Trust

Is hanging from a rope

And here I am sinking

And here again comes another wave

Sense.

Dear heart,
Come home.

Stranger.

Who are you kidding?
Will you battle yourself forever?
It's the smallest thing
And you're really going to let it
Tear you apart?

Let it sink in
And it'll break your bones.
Let it whisper softly
And you'll lose the horizon.

Already it's begun.
You can't even read your own mind
Anymore.

Surely it doesn't change things?
Or, do you want to risk it?

Fear is risk, and truth is consequence.

My Hero.

Truth or consequence
Say it aloud

-Vander- Missing.

He awakens to see a face from his dreams.

  "Whoa!"  Vander jumps upright in bed, slamming his back against the wall and kicking the rough sheets away.  A girl with long, pale hair stands a matter of feet from him, her eyes scrutinizing him like bright blue flames.  Beside her is a bronze-skinned boy, his excitement at Vander's wakening plain to see.  He immediately swivels and calls into the adjacent room:

  "Hey, he's finally up!  He's up, everyone!"

  The stampede of footsteps is thundering, and before Vander can blink, a dozen people his age have rushed into the room.  He gapes at them, paralyzed with confusion.  The strangers look like they've come from a different country, or planet altogether; tattoos, painted faces, piercings, shaved heads and dreadlocks are combined with animal-skin and rough hemp clothing.  But all of them have the same dark complexion as the boy, save the one blonde girl.  They all stare back, giving him the feeling that he looks equally bizarre to them.  For all they know, he's the stranger.

  Vander is just starting to collect himself when the blonde girl fires a question at him.  "What relationship do you have to Kye Firewheel?"

  He shakes his head.  "What?"

  "Kye Firewheel.  You're supposed to be the one who overthrows Daasen, but he went after her instead.  Why?"

  Vander squeezes his eyes shut, rubs them.  What in the world?  "I have no clue what you're talking about.  I've never heard of her. . . .  Where am I?"

  "Shut up.  I'm not stupid enough to believe that crap, so you can cut it.  Why did he go after her instead of you?"

  The boy standing next to her nudges her with his elbow.  "You know, he might be telling the truth," he says.

  "I'll be the one to decide that," she retorts.

  As they bicker, Vander looks around the wooden room full of people, and begins to sense that something is wrong.  Something besides the fact that he's surrounded by strangers and has no idea where he is.  Something that has him deeply worried.

  "Where's my sister?" he says.

  The arguing stops, and a dozen blank stares fall upon him.  He scrambles to his feet and demands an answer.

  "Where's my sister?  Where is she?"

  The blonde girl cocks her head.  "We don't have your sister. . . .  If you had a sister, we left her alone back on Earth."

  "Alone?" he repeats.  No.  No, no, this is not good.  He starts shoving through the cluster of people.  "Emony?" he calls out.  "Emony!"

  The strangers grab his shoulders, try to force him back, but he resists them.  Panicked, he finds himself struggling against bodies twice his size, desperate to find his sister.  "Emony!  Emony, where are you!"

  Then something whacks him in the head.  Hard.  And suddenly he's looking up at the ceiling, which spins around as he sinks into darkness.

  As the room turns black, he hears the voice of the boy.  Talking to the girl.

  "Again?  Really?"

-Theresa- Already.

And as the dawn filters in,
She wonders if it was real.
Could it possibly have been true
Already?

I don't know.
I have a pretty good imagination.

Forever.

But I truly believe,
With my soul, my heart and everything else,
That some songs can last forever.

Lifeline.

Days grow shorter and
Nights grow longer
The summer weeks drain away
Childhood drains away

I used to have this notion
That I could make time last
As long as I wanted it to
But reality is a sharp sting

Time cannot be ruled
And as we grow older
I swear each day is shorter
Than the last

Trying to hold on
Is like grasping a stream of water
Yet it's your lifeline
And you're screaming don't let me drown

But now and then
Memories float by
And we hold tight,
Please don't fade away

We can dry the flowers
And here they are
But we can never bring them
Back to life.

Relive.

It's like bringing dried flowers
Back to life.

Mondays.

I actually love Mondays sometimes.
Especially summer Mondays.

Waking up late.
Reading all morning.
Making iced coffee.
Painting my nails gray.
Playing my guitar.
Drawing.
Meeting friends at the coffee shop.
Sitting outside.
Listening to film scores.
Reading blogs.
Laughing at old pictures.
Messing around at the store.
Late night ice cream and fries.
Falling asleep to a movie.

But you know the best part about Mondays?
They're so close to Tuesdays.

Aching.

- •••• •   ••-• •- -•-• -   - •••• •- -  

-•-- --- ••-   -•- -• --- •--   •-- •••• •- -   

•• - •••   •-•• •• -•- •:

- •••• •• •••   •- -•-• •••• •• -• --•,   

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-•• ---   understand.

•- -• -••   •-- •••• •- -   -•• --- • •••   

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••• --- -- • --- -• •   ••   -•-• •- -• -   -•• ---   

- •••• •• •••   •-- •• - •••• --- ••- -.

Confession.

I should admit
I'm addicted to dreams
They're the thrill that always leaves me wanting more

I'm like everyone
Mine don't make sense
But they're my little hole in reality that I like to climb through

There I hide
'Til dawn wakes me
And the memories fade until later when they come bleeding into life

But some nights
My dreams are real.
See, those are nights when I either wish the beauty would never end or wake up screaming

There's my confession
Every night a risk
But I either learn or I love or I escape and there is always a beauty in pain whether or not it is real

Summer.

I can breathe;

You give me air

To fill my lungs with lightning

And taste the bitter sweetness of your brevity.

I'd hold onto you forever if I could.

Infinity drenches our every moment,

But I can't keep this sand

From falling between my fingers.

So don't leave me, summer.

A Plain Morning.

•• - •••   -•-• --- •-•• -•• • •-•  

- •••• •- -•   •• -   --- -•• --• •••• -   

- ---   -••• •   •• -•   •--- ••- •-•• -•--

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•• -   • •- ••• •• • •-•   - ---   -••• •   

•- •-- •- -•--

Halfway there.

Aprils and Octobers.

And sometimes,

Julys are beautiful too. 

Practice.

••• ---   •-- • •••- •   -- •- -•• •   •• -

- •••• •-• --- ••- --• ••••   - •••• •

••• • -•-• --- -• -••   -•• •- -•--,   

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•-• • ••• -•-• ••- • •-•.

Enough.

•••• --- •--   -•• ---   ••   ••• •- -•--   ••   -- •• ••• •••   -•-- --- ••-?

- •••• •• •••   -•-• --- -•• •   •• ••• -• -   --•- ••- •• - •   • -• --- ••- --• ••••

- ---   ••• •••• --- •--   -•-- --- ••-  

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•- -• -••   -•-- --- ••-   •- •-•• --- -• •.

Rain.

And when it rains,
The very clouds weep
And so they drag
Tears from our eyes.

And when it rains,
Our hopes wash away
It's easy to drown
But hold onto tomorrow.

For when it rains,
The tears of clouds
The tears of hearts
Are making things grow.

Same.

She's a professional

At gathering her storms.

She does it every day.

-Kye- Looking Up. (cont.)

  "Okay, CJ," says Blake, "What's your result?"
  "Nine."
  "Same here.  Warren?"
  "Eight."
  "Heath?"
  "Ten," he replies.
  Kye blinks.  She made it.  And only four points away from the top score possible.
  Blake asks for her number- for professional reasons, of course- and Kye gives it to him in a daze.  He tells her that they'll be contacting her in a few days so she can audition again.  Then she's packing up her guitar, walking out the door, brushing past the crowd of girls with anxious faces.
  She remembers what Haylor used to tell her in the treehouse: You could be famous, Kye.  That's how good you are.
  She never really believed him, though.  Until today.  Oh, how she wishes she could go back and tell him, or find him somehow. . . .  She has to shake the thought from her mind.  Impossible.  She knows that.
  But one thing she can't free from her thoughts: The boy whose eyes were on her, with the thick glasses and shaggy hair.  The one who gave her a ten.
  The only one who gave her a ten.
  Well, she made it, all right.  And that's enough for now.

-Heath- Looking Up.

  Heath stares at her for the longest time.  It's almost like having her back.  Almost.  But it's the wrong Kye.
  She still sings the same, with that incredible, soaring voice.  But she sings a different song.  And gone are the glasses and long, unruly hair; the flawless face without a touch of makeup.  Now dark lines shroud her gray eyes, adding smoke to the rough-cut, blazing hair that hangs just above her shoulders.  A black shirt and bleached, ripped jeans replace her old outfit of a t-shirt and shorts.  He's seen her before in the hallways, but this is his first time to get a good look at her.  The new her.  The wrong one.
  He loved the old Kye, but he loves the new one all the same.  Still, this isn't how things are  supposed to be.  Kye catches him staring at her and he drops his gaze, reminded painfully that this version of her doesn't know him.
  A quick glance at the other guys tells him that they are stunned, taken aback by this girl's performance.  Appropriately so.  No other girl in this school can even compare.
  "Well, um . . ." Warren starts.
  Blake takes over.  "Okay, Kye, here's how this works.  We each rate you on a scale of one to ten points, according to your talent in different areas of performance.  If you score lower than 20 from the four of us combined, you're out, but if you score higher, you'll be in consideration, and we'll likely ask you to audition again."
  Heath smirks.  As if anyone could compete with Kye.  And surely the others know this too.
  But he ducks his head and scratches in his score for her.  Now and then, his eyes flit up at her as he writes, wondering about her thoughts.  If only he could catch them like he catches glimpses of her, like he catches the leaves that float towards him in autumn.

Observer.

Take note:
You think you're the only one taking notes.

-Kye- Looking Up.

  Kye breathes deeply as she walks down the empty school hallway.  Her grip on the guitar case tightens until her knuckles are white.  The halls are eerily silent with so few people around; classes are over for the day.  As she heads toward her destination, she passes a poster stamped on the wall:

PREQUEL

FEMALE VOCALIST WANTED

AUDITIONS APRIL 12-14 5:30-7 PM

ROOM 138

  It's the same poster that's all over the school, and it's been the talk of town for a good two weeks now.  Kye is by no means the only one vying for this spot.  Even as she approaches the room, she can see dozens of girls lined up outside the door, hyperventilating and gossiping nervously.  Two, maybe, carry guitars.  The crowd of girls spots Kye coming, and their chatter subsides to a hushed whisper, one that almost seems pointed at her.  They huddle together and shoot glances at her as they gossip.  Kye ignores them.  They can hardly be blamed; after all, she doesn't fit the mold, with her dark makeup and tattered jeans.  Not to mention the fiery orange hair.  She's gotten used to it, or so she keeps telling herself.

  Kye would bet anything that these girls are all here for the same reason.  But it's a different reason than hers.

  Prequel.  That's what the boy band of this school chose to call themselves, and practically every girl in the school drools over them.  They've gotten pretty popular on YouTube, doing covers and such.  Get any group of girls from here together, and without fail, the talk veers towards the "cute" and "hot" members of the band.  Every girl has her true or made-up story of when Blake winked at her, or CJ held the door for her, or Warren was in her study group.  So of course when open auditions were announced, the entire female population exploded.

  In all honesty, Kye couldn't care less.  The gossip only makes her roll her eyes.  But, though she hates to admit it, these auditions are a unique chance for her.  A chance to save her mother from her own pride.

  She recalls echoes of the many conversations they've had about it.

  "Mom, let me help you.  Let me get a job.  It's hard enough for you to work two at once!"

  "And where are you going to find one?  You're only sixteen."

  "Well, if I can find a place that'll hire me.  Surely you'll let me apply?"

  "Kye, don't you think I can handle this myself?  Sweetheart, I should be the one providing for you, not vice versa."

  Kye shuts her eyes briefly, pained by the fierce servitude of her mom.  When she opens them, she's returned to the present, and the door is opening.  Out comes a blonde girl, tears and mascara streaming down her cheeks.

  "They said I was too pitchy," she sobs.

  Her friends console her, or at least, pretend to.  Of course they're actually thinking, one more contender out of the way.  Kye knows enough about "friends" to know that it's all a farce.

  As she waits in line, she plugs an earbud into her ear and turns up the music.  It's simple, really.  Just tune it all out.  Join in the pretending game- they'll pretend to like you, so just pretend you like them too.  

  One after another, they go into the room and come out brokenhearted, either crying or steaming with anger.  Kye begins to grow uneasy; it's hard not to doubt, after seeing so many rejections, but she has to trust her ability.

  And finally, it's her turn.

  She hikes up her guitar and strides in.  Four guys sit at a long table, facing her; she's seen their faces around and on the Internet.  Big deal.  They're just a few teenagers, and maybe she can be one of them.  That's all this is.

  Take a breath.  She knows, deep down, that it's way more than that.

  "Name?" says the boy with the spiked-up hair.  Blake, she thinks.  Yeah, that one's Blake.  The lead singer.

  "Kye Firewheel," she responds, with more confidence than she feels.

  Blake scribbles something on a clipboard.  "Okay, Kye, go ahead.  You got something prepared?"

  She clears her throat.  "Um, yeah. One second."

  She scans the room, grabs a chair, drags it over.  Sitting, she unpacks her guitar and checks the tuning.  Perfect.  She's ready to go.

  Take a breath.

  Breathe.

  And . . .

Somehow, everything's gonna fall

Right into place

If only we had a way to make it all

Fall faster every day

She shuts her eyes, tuning it all out, pretending it's just her.  Back in the treehouse.  And the only ones listening are the birds.

If only time flew like a dove

Will God make it fly faster than I'm falling in love?

This time we're not giving up

Let's make this last forever

Screaming, hallelujah

We'll make it last forever

Holding onto patience wearing thin
I can't force these eyes to see the end

If only time flew like a dove
Well we can make it fly, we'll just keep looking up. . . .

And Kye looks up.

Possible.

And I do believe you can do it.
You genius, you.

Where?

I thought I posted this already

Oh right, I'm losing my memory

Can you take me somewhere tears don't go

I need these songs to bring me to another world

Because there's something wrong with this one

And I

I just want to be a kid again,