Acid.

"I am too little butter on too much bread,
"I am too many thoughts in too little head."

Tyler Knott Gregson got that far
But these stumbling, cotton-mouthed words I write
Fall flat
As I try to describe what he couldn't
He couldn't sense more
But I do
And that,
That's the difference.

"The difference"
Words composed of lines and curves
That look suspiciously like they're composing a noose.
I don't know whether to speak up
For would they stop if I did?
Would they halt, slink back into stillness,
Or resume their sadistic slithering?

I'm sick of being able to read souls in bookstores
I'm sick of the spinning, shouting, wrong, behindness of the world
I'm sick of pretend literature and Christmas music
I'm sick of feeling like flying is falling

There is a beyond
And that's where I am
So I've forgotten the meaning of "here"

I wish I could
Separate
I want to know what to feel at these photoshopped faces smirking at me from the covers of Christian self-help books
I want to set aside the desperate love that I'm screaming curses at without humbling myself enough to say a word

I climb into now my brother's bed and I can't breathe.
What am I anymore?

I know it gets easier the instant I'm with you and only you.
I need to find pride in my contradictions?
I need to fall in love with the beauty of myself?
I need to smile at the acid in my stomach
As my meaningless head threatens to break the neck below it?

You and only you
There and only there
But I -- can't --

Local Native.

"Oh, some evil spirit, oh, some evil this way comes
They told me how they fear it —"
I'm pouring water into a travel container
I see the frantic lights
Can't stop him pointing to his eyes
The bottle slips and I've spilled

Another day in the life of a novelist,
Another symbolic stomachache to write down;

Convergence.

Artists.
Building self-portraits from trash
Typing without looking at the keys
Staring past my eyes

Don't you forget this, love.
He's never held your hand tighter
The blood's stopped flowing
And even if the line is dead
Keep on writing your letters
He presses them to his heart
And he waits —

He waits —

There will be those flickers of the eyes
You'll never know how much he's holding back
A love you've never touched
A flood
He thinks of you and
Those smiles and sighs

There will be those rendezvouses
Meet his ghost this time tomorrow

There will be those messages in code
Your breath in the cold
Those birds flying north

Hold onto hope, lovely soul —

And in the night we'll wish this never ends
(I miss you, I miss you)

Tessellate.

this life of mine is a violent art
raw and
shivering
i've listened to too much music today
it's on my hands
i wonder who reads this
professors say things
i don't care about
the people around me are
the real doctors
rain does things
i think
i sit before a man in a suit and tie
he knows too much
you can see it in his startled eyes
i see faces that aren't here
a different kind of art
adding pictures to sounds
i'm denying the advance
of winter
are you still real?
because you're here but am i there
and as for you
please stop reading this.
i guess i understand now
if you love
me
let me go

Magnolia.

It's funny
Do you know what art you are?
As you walk around
Being
Touching the world as you pass

It's funny
That I could fall in love
With a tragic idea
Like so many Daisies
And green lights on the lake

It's funny
The invisible poison to my stomach
As I laugh among friends
As I take careful notes
Watching the world as it passes

A different flower
I'm learning what it means to breathe

Tendons.

And isn't it clever what weather can do?
It's almost like springtime, like summer's anew
A breath in my lungs and I'm so close to flying
But I take one more look and the summer is dying

Can't count the times I've begged leaves not to fall
I guess I'm just slightly afraid of it all
If it's so easy to die when your anchor starts crumbling
I'll try not to trip and I'll find myself stumbling

Most of the time I'm quite sickened by rhymes
And this time is no different.
Most of the time I can't bear to use "I"
Yeah, well.
Life is up here but you comment below.
Can't we talk?
I'm sick.

Wilting.

Isn't it odd how the strangest of dreams
Can convince our minds of the strangest of things?

Hands.

It's a struggle to find breath these nights
As I look at my hands in this pale, doubtful light
I want to hide from them, to lock them away
To fold my fingers and palms into a safe

I watch them tap on eternity's door
They're pulling at the strings of time
And when I wake, they'll betray me
And pull my skin down until my shoulders ache

Halfway between what I see and where I stand
Stop reaching;

Espresso.

It appears
I have developed a distaste
For caramel macchiatos.

Funny, isn't it?
They're too sweet and then too bitter.

Violent shivers --

Wednesdays are the crest of the sunrise.
Up, up, and away
Seeing through eyes made new
And it's on these days that I feel
No, I know
That my life is a free-verse poem.

This bit is about change.

Gonna see you all tonight
Yeah, I'm going home.
When I leave, I'll carry it with me
Pack it up between my lungs
Blowing kisses as I drive away
And you still have no idea.

Kyrie, kyrie.

"Melancholy".

A kitchen light on
My kitchen light on
How, again, do I do this?

Reaching my fingers out
Into pictures and into words
"There's a stomach inside my brain"

But how do I digest a shooting star
And how do I swallow the images on my wall?

Well, off my feet take me
Floating step by step
I turn around to check
Well, today they're there, tomorrow they're not

The bright shadows
Maybe they're following me.
With words of "How've you been?" and "Long time."
But do you remember us?

Do you remember the sand in the woods --
Pizza deliverers going up and down the elevators --
Do you remember coffee and the parking lot in July --
Do you my remember my endless questions --
Southside Ballroom, do you remember how you almost died --
Do you remember a plane to San Jose --
The stale air as we took classes in a church --
Do you remember all the In-N-Outs --
Running to the car in the rain --
Do you actually remember that basketball court
And the sleep we got on its floor --
Do you remember?  Christmas candies in the summer --
Do you remember that swingset and the lights --
Newcomb, and Newcomb, and Newcomb again --
Early mornings and God's fingers --
Do you remember movies on the carpet --
Highway across the lake and a soul across the ocean --
Do you remember tires on the sidewalk --
Jenga and parkour in the city --
Just Dance upstairs and cookies downstairs --
Making films in the street --
Do you remember the four of us lined up on that wooden porch singing our lungs right out --
Do you remember Six Flags --
Space in IMAX and then it was two in the morning --
Do you remember what it was like to cry beneath floodlights --
The path in the dark with a churning stomach --
Running from bees and your dog --
Do you remember the paint on the walls and our souls --
Skating like we meant something --
Do you remember how those hands shot up --
How we'd cluster under the shade, too afraid of warmth --
Do you remember the storm and the songs --
Do you remember all of our closets and bathtubs --
Going out in coats and gloves --
Do you remember, it was Ultimate all day --
Waterslides at night --
Do you remember the funeral and the movie --
And tell me --
Just tell me you remember that campfire.

So I guess this one goes out to Ryan Lee
Or to all my punk rock friends, whoever's still holding on
This love is like a sunset

Rainy days get to me.

Shooting Star.

A blur of you comes down the hall
But I'd better get my vision checked,
I'd better get it checked

The floor detaches from the walls
But the wind won't be so bad down there,
The wind won't be so bad

Stretched.

Lightning on my way home
The blood vessels of the sky
My wipers are on, but there's no rain yet
Still I can feel it on the wind.

Got to keep this music blasting
Got to feel it in my heels
Because I've got this kid's sock in my backpack, you see
And I nearly ran off the road just because I thought it was you
A canoe strapped to the top
Have fun, whoever you are

Sister's thoughts in my head
It's time
I took some food for thought
It might be poison
It's time

That the powerful play goes on --

Lightsleepers.

Well, you're in my head
But you're not in my heart

And this place, it's in my lungs
But it's not in my heart

You, though, you're in my heart.
But you're not in my eyes --

Perpendicular.

Always in the top left corner
Just please stay right there
And to my brain,
Please stay right there

A perpendicular anchor.
The only thing I want to see
Yet I know what it means
When I see one passing on the road
A thousand roses
Yet this is no common rose.

A pain that comes from pulling out the drip.
This shirt smells like rain
The air of my bedroom welcomes me with a goodbye
I will sleep well tonight.

Lukewarm.

The water's running but it won't get warm.
Yet I keep standing here as my soul shivers
Pleading for heat to arrive
While I know I'm doing nothing but wrinkling my skin.

Creases on my temples
Streaks under my eyes
And I'll always remember
This is what happens
When you wait on something that isn't coming.

You.

I have lost myself in you.
Laughing as red hair and dark lines dissolve in salt water
Touching moments and riding waves
Learning how to jump again

I have lost myself in you.
And I'm finally finding the truth
Seeking, leaving behind
Fear
Sprinting through curtains and canyons
Tripping over my own feet

I have lost myself in you.
You're beyond every color I dream
Beyond every word I sing
Every fiber of every breath I breathe

I will watch you drive until we find the end of this road.

Walking.

I guess it was when I finally heard

The words of the songs I'd been listening to for weeks.

Like a whisper of a voice long lost.

Yet it is heard through the crowd

And suddenly, the air

A rushing wind into my withered lungs

And the return of life brought pain.

That slicing sensation on the dry, cold throat

Which has not spoken a word in months

As each breath brings life

Yet you would almost rather suffocate

I remember.

I remember who I have become in summers past

The person I wanted to be always

I remember the faith I had in words

And behind words

But faith stumbles.

I would rather not think about how much sleep I am missing

Just as I would rather not think about

This summer comes unsteadily

A pair of legs relearning how to walk

Clumsy. weak; confused;

There is something stuck in my eye.

Do you see? Everything is symbolic to me;

Drive.

Breaking through

This stifled, knotted heart is finding a beat

A string of words for thoughts

For feelings for ideas

Grasp

Depth perception

Otherwhere

Life can be real and still be beautiful.

Carry it on

On the wings of the dawn

I know you could carry it to infinity's brink

A whisper finds the soul

Arrested and alone

I will drive until I find the end of that road.

"I need to talk to you when I get back":"kcab teg I nehw uoy ot klat ot deen I" 

Not dead, never dead

I'm going to live while I'm alive

Solstice.

Who are we?

As we gasp for water

Craning toward the sun

And the rustling of trees in the wind

Sounds like the ocean;

False.

Sixty-four days.

I dream of lights and sounds

Of songs and crowds

That fade into the background

Behind one pair of eyes.

I watch the clasped minds

As fingers clasp in the summertime

As afternoons are drawn back by cold starshine

In this false sense of spring.

And on the shore of the lake

Near the forest, a car slowed and 

swerved

It was empty anyway;

Poison Ivy.

Folding water rippling from a thought

Words spreading across mirrors and pages

This is not new

This is growing;

The fire that lit up the end

The very last night burning new colors

I stared at it with my life

I wanted it to burn forever

But flames aren't meant to hold

Away from the city

Yet we know we have to go back

To that glittering skyline across the water

I prefer this humble blaze

I prefer to let it burn my poison ivy into scars

Singing with only my eyes;

Breath.

It's cold tonight

And I hear my voice from years past

We all change

Like breath on a mirror;

That's why I have to catch it sometimes

Stop and find my breath 

To remember that it passes

And not forget this life I live;